One of my friends brought something to my attention.
He had read the previous entry here and asked me "What made you write that? Like what triggered that feeling?"
However good he knows me, and even though I have discussed my problem of not being able to trust like I used to with him many times before, he didn't know what made me write this in my journal.
Why did I feel like putting this in the journal???

Somehow I feel like I might not be meeting people's expectations as to the content this journal. People are likely to expect the latest information about what I'm up to in my career as a singer/songwriter, as a performer. However, I can't help but think of how people might find a way to use this information to try and hinder my career. (maybe I'm a bit scared of the power of the journal?)

Oh, I know they won't stop me. Eventually I will get to where I want to be. I'm confident about that. There's no way I can give up. If not because of my close friends who support me through good and bad, then it's because I made a promise to a lot of fans who support me by sending me e-mail, telling me I can't quit, telling me how they like what I do etc. And I intend to keep that promise.

All they might be capable of doing is make an effort to slow me down, make things unpleasant for me in some way... I don't know. But that's just it. I'd hate to see it happen all the people who are actually supportive of me have to wait longer for releases of mine. Plus, people are not going to remember "Castles in the Sky" forever. People will not keep the faith in me if it seems like I have given up.

Sooooo..., I really feel the need to say this just for the record, I am promising every single one of you who reads this:
I AM NOT QUITING !!! EVER !!!
(unless it's completely beyond my control in every way, like losing my voice permanently or something.... huhuhuhuh horrible)
I’m just making sure that you all know that I am still working hard (harder than ever) on my career, and even though I may not talk about things like studio work and expectations of mine, it doesn’t mean I’m giving up. (I'll probably mention them in the future… it all depends a bit I guess)

Either way, I know what's expected of me, and I will find a way to meet the expectations somehow.... although I don't know yet how I will do this exactly.
But I do feel that people who are loyal readers of this journal should be rewarded in some way. ;)

Love,
Marsha.